“it’s more naff, kitsch and Euro than the the grown-up version”

That being the reason I think it’s a bad thing. Sure, it’s kinda funny but only in a “Europe really does have shit taste in music” way.

I was in Malta a few years back when the main event was on. It is insane how seriously they take it (street parties, pubs closing, the works), as it is with the rest of Europe. And we want to give these people control of our country? Frightening.

I was glued to the heats to pick the UK representakiddie last year, rooting for a tiny scally rapper called something like Aslan; crushed when the public (ie. grandmothers) picked a squeaky-clean micro-Robbie Williams creature. Quite sad that I missed out on this year’s heats and the early stages, to be honest.

I mean, it’s more naff, kitsch and Euro than the grown-up version, with the added bonus of being more than slightly sinister, in a Minipops way (as in the Channel 4 paedo favourite, not the Flipflopflyin’ pixel art.)

As for Junior Eurovision, you do have to feel sorry for the kids. You can imagine the Latvian parents beating their child with a stick until they get every note right.

Seriously though, stop the jokes. One day I’ll crack and kill you all.

Who could possibly have been behind this?

Allegedly.