The finale of this series on Games (which has taken far longer than the 5 days I had intended) is about the finest category of game known to man, the humble drinking game.
Now, those who know me are probably aware of my appreciation for the artform. What better way to share my knowledge of games to drink by than a post on some of the finer examples on Solitude.
Notes: For the purposes of these games “a drink” is defined in a unit which suits your tipple of choice. Generally, the preferred unit is the finger; the amount of drink that placing your finger around your glass would mark. This has the bonus of generally compensating for body mass since larger people tend to have larger fingers.
You will also require a deck of cards, with jokers, handy.
First game is the warm-up game, Odds And Evens. Sit in a circle and when it is your turn take a card from the deck which has been placed in the centre. If it is odd (this includes jacks and kings), you take a drink. If it is even (this includes queens), you don’t. Simple. Understand that this is a warm-up game. It’s not particularly interesting, but should be played at break neck speed. If it takes more than 2 minutes to go through all 52 cards, you’re playing it wrong.
Then there is the slightly more complicated main event: Fuck You. Again, sit in circle with the shuffled deck in the middle, taking cards in turn. This time each card represents a different action which must be performed:
- Ace
- Take one drink.
- Two
- Take two drinks.
- Three
- Take three drinks.
- Four
- The half card. We’ll come back to this.
- Five
- The players on your left and right both take a drink.
- Six
- The player on your right drinks.
- Seven
- The toilet card. We’ll come back to this.
- Eight
- The Fuck You card. We’ll come back to this also.
- Nine
- The player on your left drinks.
- Ten
- Everyone (including yourself) drinks.
- Jack
- Where it gets interesting. Nominate another player to take a drink.
- Queen
- Nominate another player to take 2 drinks.
- King
- Nominate another player to take 3 drinks.
- Joker
- Nominate another player to finish their glass, regardless of how much remains.
Fairly simple. Now those 3 cards we said we’d come back to: the 4, 7 and 8. If you draw any of those cards, take it and hide it immediately. You can keep them and play them when appropriate until all the cards in the deck are depleted (at which point all cards are returned).
If you have a 7, you may use it to go to the toilet at any point. This is the only way you are allowed to go. If you have a 4 and are nominated to take some drinks, you can play it and half the number you have to take. If you have an 8 and are nominated to take some drinks, you can play it and say “Fuck You”. The person who nominated you must now drink double what you would have had to otherwise.
The effects of the 4 and 8 can be chained for interesting effect. In fact, I’ve seen all four 8’s chained together. Not pretty.
And that is “Fuck You”.
Finally, there is the Family Guy Drinking Game. Put on an episode of the classic TV show and drink any time any of the following events occur:
- Stu acts camp or tries to kill Lois.
- Peter does or says something stupid.
- Brian says something sarcastic.
- Quagmire says “Al-right”.
- There is a flashback or cut away of any sort.
- The evil monkey appears.
Twenty minutes of drinking, two minutes of plot. The most hardcore drinking game that doesn’t involve bleach or anti-personnel mines.
That is all.