The Terminal is bad. Very bad. Tom Hanks is pitiful, the story has become generic Hollywood tripe (despite being an interesting premise), and Zeta Jones plays one of the least developed characters of modern times (“Hi! I’m simply here to move the plot on very slightly”).

Utterly without merit.

In a move that will shock all right-minded cinema goers, Tom Cruise is bearable in the movie Collateral. More than that: he’s actually pretty damn good. Playing the confident straight forward killer seems to be a role that he was made to play, pulling it off with a degree of style that gets you on his side.

The film itself is the tale of a fairly ordinary cab driver who, upon accepting an all night fare from Cruise, begins becoming more and more unstable as events unfold.

Tightly shot, well paced and Hollywood dialogue at a minimum, Collateral is a very pleasant piece of cinema. Kudos.

If you haven’t realised by now, Will Ferrell is a God. Outstanding timing and the kind of naive dumb act that makes the sides tremble as if the largest feather in the world had just been purchased and was heading for your feet. From this modest start, throw in some seventies cheese, unexpected violence, a tight script and quirky supporting cast, and you have the beginnings of a legendary film.

Anchorman is that film.

I’ll say no more because I wouldn’t want to ruin a single character or line from it. Hilarious from the start to the end of the credits (don’t leave until the very end).

I’m an Asian film fan (in that I like a lot of films made in Asia, rather than being Asian and liking films, but I digress). I like that films get made there that don’t cause grey matter to commit beautiful ritual suicide, and that I can imagine such a thing having seen it in such a movie. Infernal Affairs showed us that action could be stylish, violent and have a plot, while Audition showed us that cheese wire is pretty nasty stuff. Silly ideas can become excellent films.

It is with dismay, then, that I say Phone is awful.

Korea is supposed to be where the horror genre is at the moment, having allegedly created the best version of seminal flick, The Ring. Sadly, Phone shows no signs of intelligence. Instead we’re greeted with terrible acting, bad dialogue (not aided by a translation that should have been spell-checked), and some of the worst pacing I’ve seen. This film could have been cut by an hour and retained what plot it had.

Sometimes silly ideas are just silly.

Ye had best be participatin’ in International Talk Like A Pirate Day, ye scurvy sea swine. To celebrate the day, Pirate Morning replaces the usual Hazy Morning design and I’ve piratify’d the text. Yarr!